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AUTHORS: Written by Leslie Spurrier
COUNTRY: France
GENRE: Fairytales
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The-Enormouse-Nose-1024x843

CHARACTERS

NARRATOR/EXTRA SERVANT/TRAVELER
• KING HUBERT
• ENCHANTRESS
• SERVANT THAT POLISHES
• SERVANT THAT WIPES
• SERVANT THAT FOLDS
• QUEEN ORLENA
• LADY ADRIENNE, a lady-in-waiting
• LADY ADELA, a lady-in-waiting
• LADY ALICE, a lady-in-waiting
• PRINCE ANDRÉ
• PROFESSOR SINGLESNIFF
• PROFESSOR SNUBBYNUB
• PROFESSOR LONGENSNOUT
• KING ALBERT
• GUARD #1
• GUARD #2
• GUARD #3
• GASTON – TRAVELER #1
• ROLAND – TRAVELER #2
• FRANCIS – TRAVELER #3
• PRINCESS ROSEBUD

 

Scene 1 – A path in the woods

[Stage set: The stage is divided into two sections. One is a forested area, and it serves for Scene 1 and Scene 7.  The other presents a palace throne room, and it serves for the rest of the scenes.]

[For the opening forest scene, several small trees and bushes are scattered about. (See Performance Notes on how to create these.) The greenery should line a path on the diagonal from the back of the stage to the front.]

[There is a large bundle of rags toward center stage just beside the path.]

[NARRATOR enters.]

NARRATOR:
Welcome, fine ladies and gentlemen. Today’s production of “The Enormous Nose” is brought to you by Stories to Grow by. We hope you enjoy this tale of power, magic, and beauty.

[NARRATOR steps forward.]

NARRATOR:
Once there was a grand king who ruled over his kingdom with mighty power. (looks offstage) Here he comes.

[KING HUBERT enters. He walks down the path, holding his royal staff, in a contented and self-satisfied manner.]

NARRATOR:
One day, while taking his regular walk through the woods, the King came upon a strange bundle.

[KING stops at the bundle and examines it, poking it with his staff.]

KING HUBERT:
What in the world…?

[ENCHANTRESS, a hideous hag, rises up from among the rags. (See Performance Notes for a description of how ENCHANTRESS “rises up” from the rags.) ENCHANTRESS sports extra-large ears and an extra-large nose.]

KING HUBERT:
(surprised) Who are you? How dare you block the passage of His Royal Highness!

ENCHANTRESS:
How dare YOU poke Her Mystical Magical Mighty Enchantress!

KING HUBERT:
That’s what you call yourself? And from a bundle of rags on the ground, no less!

ENCHANTRESS:
How rude! Royalty has no manners anymore.  I cannot believe my ears! (indignantly moves her head from side to side)

KING HUBERT:
I cannot believe YOUR ears. In fact, (staring at Enchantress’ nose) I can’t believe your NOSE! Ha!

ENCHANTRESS:
I have NEVER…!

KING HUBERT:
That is some beak of a nose! (Enchantress gasps)  What a schnozz! That thing that looks like a pickle coming off your face!

ENCHANTRESS:
(clenches fists and shakes with anger) Such INSOLENCE!

KING HUBERT:
Hag, tell me, when you stop to smell a flower does the whole field end up in your nostril? (laughs)

ENCHANTRESS:
(raises her arms in a threatening way) Enough, ENOUGH! You imbecile! You will remember today as the day you made the biggest mistake of your life. (closes eyes and slowly swirls arms in the air)

[Stagehands enter, waving dark gray or black material. The sound of thunder echoes in the background. (See Performance Notes on how to simulate the sound of thunder.) KING HUBERT braces himself; he is afraid.]

ENCHANTRESS:
(in a booming voice; fabric continues to swirl around her) There shall come a time when you will feel the wrath of your words. You shall have a son that will be born with an ENORMOUS, unbelievable nose.  A nose that will remain on his face his entire life until the moment he reckons with it for what it truly is – a humongous (pronounce: hew-MON-guss), ridiculous nose!

KING HUBERT:
If his nose is as big as all that, he’ll know he has an enormous nose – so what’s the problem?

ENCHANTRESS:
You’ll find out, won’t you?

[Loud crashing sounds as ENCHANTRESS and stagehands swirling the fabric exit. KING HUBERT stands stunned for a moment, looking off to where ENCHANTRESS exited. KING HUBERT turns to the audience and a smile comes over his face.]

KING HUBERT:
Wait a minute!  She said I’m going to have a son!

[KING HUBERT skips offstage.]

 

Scene 2 – Throne room of King Hubert and Queen Orlena

[Stage set: This is the area of the stage that presents as a palace throne room.  Two thrones, sonsisting of large chairs that have a high back and are decorated with richly-colored cloth, are placed in the center toward the back of the stage. Beside the two thrones is a small table. SERVANT THAT POLISHES, SERVANT THAT WIPES, and SERVANT THAT FOLDS (together, called the “SERVANTS”) zigzag back and forth in front of the throne, busily carrying trays, linens, baskets full of food, or other household objects.  Then SERVANT THAT POLISHES starts polishing silverware, SERVANT THAT WIPES starts wiping surfaces, and SERVANT THAT FOLDS starts folding the linens.]

[QUEEN ORLENA sits on the throne, holding a baby (doll) in her arms. The baby has a very large nose attached, but is wrapped in a blue blanket and the audience does not see the extra-large nose, at first. LADY ADRIENNE, LADY ADELA, and LADY ALICE (together, called “LADIES-IN-WAITING”) hover around QUEEN ORLENA to attend to her and the baby.]

QUEEN ORLENA:
(wails) Why me? Oh, why must I bear this shame?

LADY ADRIENNE:
There, there, Your Majesty. Your little prince has great… (peers at the baby) ah… character. 

LADY ADELA:
Such a smile… (steps up closer to the baby) ..if you can find it.

LADY ALICE:
(also steps up and peers closely at the baby) I know it’s under that nose somewhere.

[LADY ADRIENNE elbows LADY ALICE in the ribs.]

LADY ALICE:
Your Majesty what I meant was, his face is like nothing the world has ever seen before.

LADY ADELA:
THAT’s for sure!

[LADY ADRIENNE elbows LADY ADELA in the ribs.]

LADY ADRIENNE:
Small noses are a dime a dozen, that’s what I say!  Where THAT nose is surely a Roman nose, one of strength and power! He will be a hero. A champion!  Isn’t that right, ladies?

[QUEEN ORLENA looks at her ladies and back at her son.  She holds up the baby doll to audience. The doll has a small crown and on its face is attached an enormous nose.]

QUEEN ORLENA:
(wails again) But LOOK!  His nose is ENORMOUS!

[LADY ADELA and LADY ALICE nod and chuckle, until LADY ADRIENNE nudges them both with her elbow.  They stop.]

LADY ADRIENNE:
My Lady, the fact of the matter is… (searches for a reason that can possibly explain the nose) What I’m trying to say is… (speaks quickly) No one wants a tiny nose anymore. A large nose, why, it’s the new chin dimple! It’s what all the finest noblewomen seek in the most highborn gentlemen!

QUEEN ORLENA:
(sniffs) Really?

LADY ADRIENNE:
Absolutely!

LADY ADELA:
(picking up on Lady Adrienne’s point) I wish MY son had a nice big nose!

LADY ALICE:
Me, too!

LADY ADRIENNE:
Young men are forever stretching their noses, trying to get that special effect.

[LADIES-IN-WAITING exaggeratedly pull at their noses.]

[QUEEN ORLENA looks at her ladies and hands off her son to LADY ALICE.]

QUEEN ORLENA:
Of course you must be right, my Ladies. How could a woman of MY stature (Ladies-in-Waiting exaggeratedly nod in agreement) have anything but a perfect child? Prince André is quite handsome, once you get past a certain something.  Here.  (hands baby to Lady Alice)

[LADY ALICE bows and quickly disappears behind the throne with the baby. QUEEN ORLENA stands to make an announcement and claps her hands for attention.  SERVANTS gather around her.]

QUEEN ORLENA:
Servants! Everyone! Hear me well! My baby, the Prince, will grow up to be the greatest prince the land has ever known! Let it be known that from this day forth that a… ahem… GRANDIOSE (pronounce: gran-dee-OASE) nose is one that shows superior strength, power, and ruling spirit.

[SERVANTS  separate from the crowd around QUEEN ORLENA.  They huddle together with LADY ADELA and LADY ADRIENNE, and look doubtful. Then they emerge from their huddle and start cheering.]

LADY ADRIENNE:
Large noses forever! Hip, hip–

LADY ADELA, LADY ALICE, and SERVANTS, together:
Hooray!

SERVANT THAT POLISHES:
(whispering) Next thing you know, Our Mighty Majesty will be telling us that girls love a guy with a big belly! (puts hands on belly and gives it a jiggle)

SERVANT THAT WIPES:
You would know about that..!

SERVANT THAT FOLDS:
Or a big bum means we are brilliant. Smarter than any smarty PANTS! (turns rear-end to audience and shakes it)

[As SERVANTS carry on, QUEEN ORLENA notices and silently makes her way over to them. She stands directly behind them with her hands on her hips. As SERVANT THAT FOLDS shakes his bum, he notices her and stops shaking.]

[SERVANTS lower their heads and join the crowd.]

LADY ADRIENNE:
(raises both arms as if to embrace the crowd) May we all aspire to the greatness of the one with the super-special nose – our Prince!

[While LADY ADRIENNE says her line above, SERVANTS, and LADY ADELA come to the front of center stage. They stand shoulder-to-shoulder in a line. All at once, they take out large noses and fit them to their faces. (See Performance Notes on the large nose attachments.)]

LADY ADRIENNE:
Hip, hip–

LADY ADELA and SERVANTS, together:
(again, with one hand upward in a fist) Hooray!

[LADY ADRIENNE, LADY ADELA and SERVANTS exit. NARRATOR remains on stage while stagehands enter and place toys around on the floor.]

 
 

Scene 3 – Throne room – the Prince is 4 years old

[Stage set: the same as in Scene 2. The exception is there are toys strewn around the room.]

[SERVANTS enter. Each SERVANT wears an extra-long nose. SERVANTS carry baskets, sheets, and trays. They cross the room back and forth, busy with their duties. Occasionally, a servant pretends to trip over one of the toys.  Note to actors: this is pretend, be safe!]

[NARRATOR steps forward.]

NARRATOR:
So went four years. Prince André grew, and so did his…. well…

[LADY ALICE reappears on stage holding the hand of YOUNG PRINCE ANDRÉ. He is 4 years old and his attached nose is enormous.]

NARRATOR:
You see what I mean?

[LADIES-IN-WAITING and SERVANTS each wears an extra-long nose. It is not as large as the nose of YOUNG PRINCE ANDRÉ. All noses are intended to look fake. The prince holds a stuffed elephant by the trunk, or another kind of stuffed animal. SERVANTS huddle around YOUNG PRINCE ANDRÉ, acting lovingly to him.]

LADY ADELA:
(crouching down to speak to Young Prince André) Ah, my little Prince.  You won’t believe what we saw in the Town square yesterday!

YOUNG PRINCE ANDRÉ:
What? (tugs at her skirts and asks insistently) Tell me, Lay ‘Della (the child pronounces “Lady Adela” as “Lay ‘Della”).  Tell me!

[All SERVANTS lean in closer.]

LADY ADELA:
A beggar boy with a nose so small you could barely see it!

LADY ALICE:
(starting the kind of joke that starts with “The [such-and-so] was so [such-and-so]!”)  That nose was SO SMALL…!

LADY ADELA:
(going along with that style of joke) How small was it?

YOUNG PRINCE ANDRE:
(interrupts them) Wait!

LADY ADELA:
What is it, little one?

YOUNG PRINCE ANDRÉ:
Not his fault, Lady ‘Della.  I mean, za small nose.

LADY ADELA:
Oh well, I suppose it’s not his fault, exactly…

LADY ALICE:
But it was really funny!

[LADY ADELA and LADY ALICE laugh.]

YOUNG PRINCE ANDRÉ:
Lay ‘Della, Lay Aleese, tell me ‘nother stowey. Tell me a make pretend stowey… ’bout … Pinocchio…

LADY ALICE:
Now THERE’S a story!

LADY ADELA:
Only this time, the ending will change.  The boy will KEEP his nose.  Come along, little Prince.

[LADY ADELA takes YOUNG PRINCE ANDRÉ by the hand.  She, the boy, and LADY ALICE exit.]

 
 

Scene 4 – Throne room – the Prince is 10 years old

NARRATOR:
As he got older, Prince André continued to study the ways of the world and to prepare to someday rule the kingdom.

[QUEEN ORLENA and KING HUBERT enter. They walk to the center of the stage and turn toward each other.]

QUEEN ORLENA:
(to King Hubert) Oh my darling Hubert, isn’t André the crown jewel of our court. No, of the whole kingdom!

KING HUBERT:
Well now, Dearest, he’s a fine enough, for a 10-year-old.  But you know as well as I do what’s REALLY growing about him. (taps his own nose)

QUEEN ORLENA:
Nonsense! I won’t hear a word about THAT.

[PROFESSOR SINGLESNIFF, PROFESSOR LONGENSOUT, and PROFESSOR SNUBBYNUB (together, called “PROFESSORS”) enter in a straight line. They each carry books, papers, quills, globes, maps, and rulers. They are dressed in flowing robes. Each professor wears glasses and an extra-long nose, though not as long as young Prince André. PROFESSOR SINGLESNIFF is at the head of the line. He or she bows to QUEEN ORLENA and KING HUBERT. ]

QUEEN ORLENA:
Ah, good day, Professor Singlesniff. What will the Prince be studying today?

PROFESSOR SINGLESNIFF:
(drops his bundle of papers and stoops to pick them up) Your Majesty, Prince André and I will look at some ancient texts. They speak of a mighty warrior whose nose was far and wide… er, I mean, who was KNOWN far and wide.

[KING HUBERT coughs loudly at the slip. He then makes a slicing gesture with his finger across his throat threatening PROFESSOR SINGLESNIFF if he messes up again. QUEEN does not see this gesture. PROFESSOR SINGLESNIFF is nervous.]

QUEEN ORLENA:
Well even if his nose WERE far and wide, all the better- that’s what I say!

PROFESSOR SINGLESNIFF:
(relieved)  Quite right.  (clears throat)

QUEEN ORLENA:
And so, Professor Longensnout, YOUR instruction today?

[PROFESSOR LONGENSNOUT, the second in line, comes forward holding a ruler and abacas (See Performance Notes on how to make an over-sized abacas.) He (or she) pushes his glasses up on his nose.]

PROFESSOR LONGENSNOUT:
Today the Prince and I will examine measurement, specifically length. Examining the associative properties of the longitudinal direction… (Queen Orlena cuts him off)

QUEEN ORLENA:
(with annoyance) Honestly, Longensnout, I have no idea what you are talking about. 

PROFESSOR LONGENSNOUT:
In sum, shall teach the prince that bigger is better, Your Majesty!

QUEEN ORLENA:
(claps) Why didn’t you say so? Very good!  And you, Professor Snubbynub.  What have you prepared for today’s lessons?

[PROFESSOR SNUBBYNUB steps forward and bows deeply.]

PROFESSOR SNUBBYNUB:
Your Grace, the Prince and I will compose poetic odes today in honor of majestic noses everywhere. I plan to call mine, “Ode to a Nose.”

KING HUBERT:
(to audience) Honestly, “Ode to a Nose”!

QUEEN ORLENA:
(glares at husband) Some of us have more of a flair for poetry than others.  (turns to Professor Snubbynub)  That sounds lovely.  And now for the prince. André! Son!

[STUDENT PRINCE ANDRÉ enters stage right. He wears a robe and a crown. His nose is noticeably bigger.]

QUEEN ORLENA:
(obviously proud of her son) There you are, darling.

KING HUBERT:
(in greeting)  Son.

STUDENT PRINCE ANDRÉ:
(nods)  Mother.  Father.

QUEEN ORLENA:
It’s time for today’s lessons. Such wonderful things for you to learn.  Now be off with you.

STUDENT PRINCE ANDRÉ:
Let’s go, Professor Snagglepuss.

PROFESSOR SINGLESNIFF:
(indignant) That’s SINGLESNIFF, Your Highness.

STUDENT PRINCE ANDRÉ:
Oops.

[PROFESSORS and STUDENT PRINCE ANDRÉ exit stage left. QUEEN ORLENA and KING HUBERT watch them leave.]

QUEEN ORLENA:
Our son! (sighs) You can see that ruling spirit a mile away.

KING HUBERT:
(to audience) That’s not all you can see a mile away!
 
 

Scene 5 – Throne room, the Prince’s 20th birthday party

[Stage set: Stagehands place one long table in the middle of the stage. Several chairs line the side that faces the audience. Strung along the tabletop, also facing the audience, is a banner, “Happy 20th Birthday!” Balloons adorn the chair. Gaily-wrapped presents are stacked on a smaller table in the background.]

[PRINCE ANDRÉ is seated at the center of the table wearing a party hat. His nose is longer than ever. QUEEN ORLENA and KING HUBERT sit to his left. LADIES-IN-WAITING, PROFESSORS and SERVANTS (together, called “PARTY GUESTS”) are gathered around behind them. All wear extra-large noses, however none is as large as the nose worn by PRINCE ANDRÉ. A large birthday cake with candles is set before PRINCE ANDRÉ.]

NARRATOR:
The years passed for Prince André. He studied with the royal professors and trained with the royal fencers.  All in all, life was good for the prince.  And now let’s join him on his 20th birthday. (gestures to table)

QUEEN ORLENA:
Go ahead, my darling. Make a wish.

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
I must say, I have to wonder. I already have everything I want or need.  (looks around at all guests)  I want you to know that I care about each one one of you. Even if your own nose is a bit, well, shall we say under-sized, you should know I still hold you in high regard.

[PARTY GUESTS cover their relatively smaller noses in embarrassment.]

POLISHING SERVANT:
(whispering and covering nose) They just don’t make noses big enough!

WIPING SERVANT:
(whispers) I got one as large as I could.

FOLDING SERVANT:
(whispers) Hush! Don’t let him hear you.

WIPING SERVANT:
(whispers) What we go through! My sinuses get all congested with this contraption.

FOLDING SERVANT:
SHHH!

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
(graciously) Why, everyone’s nose, no matter the size, has a certain appeal.  Isn’t that right, Mother?

QUEEN ORLENA:
Maybe.  Though surely there is no nose that compares to yours!

[PARTY GUESTS nod heartily to one another in exagerrated agreement.]

QUEEN ORLENA:
(stands up, and speaks in a grand way) To my son! May his future be filled with wealth, health, joy and… (looks meaningfully at Prince) something extra.

[The guests and servants raise their glasses to toast PRINCE ANDRÉ.]

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
Something extra?

QUEEN ORLENA:
(holds up one index finger to signal her son to wait a moment) As everyone knows, a young man’s 20th year marks an important moment in his life.  It is the moment when he chooses his life partner, his (pauses or dramatic effect) WIFE!  And what better time than right now!

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
Uh, right now, Mother?

QUEEN ORLENA:
No worries.  I have a little something prepared to assist you in making the right decision.  Servants, please go out now and bring back the… surprise.

[SERVANTS step forward and bow. They exit.]

PRINCE ANDRE:
(nervous) Mother…?

QUEEN ORLENA:
(holds up one finger again) One moment, son.

[SERVANTS enter, each carrying a portrait. The third one is a portrait of the actress who portrays PRINCESS ROSEBUD. The other two depict princesses with large noses.]

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
Do I really need to choose one of these ladies to be my wife, right now?

KING HUBERT:
Son, these are three portraits of three fine young ladies.  Pick one.  That’s all there is to it!

QUEEN ORLENA:
You have two minutes.

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
Mother, I don’t think I can –

KING HUBERT:
André!  Your mother has taken the trouble to acquire these portraits.  The least you could do just pick one.  How hard can that be?

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
It’s not hard, but–!

QUEEN ORLENA:
Move it along, son.

[PRINCE ANDRÉ sighs, then steps in front of the first portrait, examining it.  He looks at the second and then the turn. The third portrait portrays the actress who plays PRINCESS ROSEBUD.]

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
She’s quite lovely, but (shakes head in disbelief) how could a young lady so lovely, so pure, so… so stunning have such a small nose? Yet despite that, I see in her eyes – that she is the one for me!  I shall love her anyway!  (to audience, dramatically with arms outstretched) Ah, what we put up with for love!

[PRINCE ANDRÉ runs offstage.]

 
 

Scene 6 – Throne room of King Albert, the father of Princess Rosebud

[Stage set: This is the same set as in Scenes 2, 3, and 4; however with some changes to indicate a different royal family. (See Performance Notes for suggestions on how to change décor to indicate this is a different palace.)  On one throne is seated PRINCESS ROSEBUD. The other throne is empty – it’s the one that belongs to PRINCESS ROSEBUD’s father, KING ALBERT.]

[KING ALBERT enters, followed by KING HUBERT and PRINCE ANDRÉ. KING ALBERT is leading the other two in a tour of the castle. PRINCE ANDRÉ looks bored until he catches sight of PRINCESS ROSEBUD. The two exchange glances.]

[ATTENDANT #1, ATTENDANT #2, and ATTENDANT #3 (together, called “ATTENDANTS”) stand around the thrones.]

KING ALBERT:
(to King Hubert) These (moves arms in a sweeping motion) tapestries were woven in faraway China.  And the thrones were hand-carved from the cedars of Lebanon.  Took years.  Nothing but the finest quality.

KING HUBERT:
(looks around admiringly) Indeed. Outstanding! 

KING ALBERT:
(looks at his daughter, Princess Rosebud, and smiles) And speaking of gorgeous, I don’t mind saying that my own daughter, the Princess Rosebud–

KING HUBERT:
Yes, yes, a lovely child.  (clears throat)  Albert, a word, if I may?  (takes King Albert aside)  My friend, perhaps you haven’t heard that large noses (taps his own nose) are all the rage.

KING ALBERT:
I was wondering what all that was about — with your son, and yourself, and everyone in your entourage. So, yours has become a kingdom of nose-worshippers, is that it?

KING HUBERT:
Everyone in my kingdom understands that large noses prove strength and power.  My son the Prince is most especially admired.  For obvious reasons.

KING ALBERT:
I can see that.

PRINCESS ROSEBUD:
(covers her nose with one hand)  Father, is there something wrong with my nose?

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
(rushes over to the side of Princess Rosebud)  Absolutely not!  It’s perfect!  Don’t let them get to you, m’lady.  Whatever they say about noses, why should it even matter?

PRINCESS ROSEBUD:
(takes down her hand).  Do you really think my nose is all right? 

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
I’ve never seen a prettier nose.

KING ALBERT:
Say, you two are getting ahead of yourselves.  (clears throat)  Let’s get on with the formal introductions.   King Hubert, Prince André, may I present to you Her Highness, the Princess Rosebud.

[PRINCESS ROSEBUD rises from her throne. ATTENDANT #1 takes her left hand, ATTENDENT #2 takes her right. ATTENDANT #3 drapes her train out and fusses with the end of her dress. She walks toward PRINCE ANDRÉ. PRINCESS ROSEBUD extends her hand, and PRINCE ANDRÉ takes it.]

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
I… I… You…  (flustered

PRINCESS ROSEBUD:
It’s nice to meet you, too, Prince André.

[PRINCE ANDRÉ tries to kiss her hand but he cannot because his enormous nose gets in the way.  He tries a couple of times.]

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
Hmm… I say here…!

[A loud BANG comes from behind the thrones. ATTENDANTS shriek. There is chaos. ENCHANTRESS emerges from behind the thrones.]

KING HUBERT:
You!

ENCHANTRESS:
(arms outstretched) It is I!

KING ALBERT:
(to King Hubert) You know her? (to Enchantress) Who are you? What do you mean, appearing here, in my palace, out of nowhere!

ENCHANTRESS:
So sorry to interrupt this… little gathering. But I have business to attend to… (spins and points finger at King Hubert) with King Hubert!

[Everyone turns in shock to KING HUBERT.]

KING ALBERT:
Who, me?

ENCHANTRESS:
Yes, you!

KING ALBERT:
What’s going on? Whatever business you think you have with my guest, it couldn’t be more important than OUR (jabs finger at his chest) business, right (jabs finger downward) here, right NOW!

ENCHANTRESS:
I can assure you, this one (points at King Hubert) IS my business.  And so is she! (takes the elbow of Princess Rosebud)

KING ALBERT:
Wait a minute, you can’t do that!  

ENCHANTRESS:
Watch me!

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
Unhand her!

[ENCHANTRESS raises one hand to silence KING ALBERT and PRINCE ANDRÉ. As she does, everyone onstage except PRINCESS ROSEBUD freezes. ENCHANTRESS speaks in a commanding voice.]

ENCHANTRESS:
None shall follow! None shall fight! (takes the arm of Princess Rosebud) You are mine! We leave NOW!

PRINCESS ROSEBUD:
No, wait!  Who are you?  What–?

[ENCHANTRESS claps two times, but nothing happens.]

ENCHANTRESS:
Um…

[ENTRANTRESS claps two times again, louder. This time, the sound of thunder or rumbling is heard from offstage. (See Performance Notes on how to simulate the sound of thunder.)]

ENCHANTRESS:
That’s more like it! (to Princess Rosebud) We’re out of here.

[Stagehands enter, as in Scene 1, with pieces of gray or black fabric. They circle around ENCHANTRESS and PRINCESS ROSEBUD. Together, the group exits. Once ENCHANTRESS and PRINCESS ROSEBUD are offstage, everyone onstage unfreezes.]

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
Princess Rosebud! (to others onstage) She’s GONE!

KING ALBERT:
(frantic) Guards! GUARDS!

[GUARDS #1-#3 (together, called “GUARDS”) enter. They stand, awaiting KING ALBERT’S command.]

KING ALBERT:
(shouting) Follow that… that CREATURE! Bring back my daughter!

[GUARDS rush offstage.]

KING HUBERT:
(urgently) André, I’ve no time to explain, but you must stop the Enchantress. Go join the search party, right now. Do not stop until you find Princess Rosebud!

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
I’m on it! (raises one finger high in the air and calls offstage) Coming, dear princess!

[PRINCE ANDRÉ runs offstage.]

KING HUBERT:
(smiles, looking offstage at where his son exited) That’s my boy!

KING ALBERT:
(glares) You’d better fix this, Hubert!

KING HUBERT:
(holds up both index fingers toward King Albert while looking offstage to where the Prince had exited)  He’s on it.

[KING HUBERT exits.  KING ALBERT crosses his arms, angry.]

 
 

Scene 7 – Path in the woods

[Stage set: This is the same forested set as used in Scene 1. However this time TRAVELER #1, TRAVELER #2, and TRAVELER #3 (together, called “TRAVELERS”) are present. TRAVELER#1 pushes a cart, TRAVELER #2 carries a basket, and TRAVELER #3 carries a cloth pouch.  NARRATOR is among the TRAVELERS.]

[NARRATOR steps forward center stage to begin the scene.]

NARRATOR:
Many sought the whereabouts of the beloved Princess Rosebud. Days turned to weeks, and weeks to months. Finally, all gave up hope and stopped looking. Well… (pauses, looks toward Prince André) except for the Prince. (steps back and continues moving in among the crowd)

[PRINCE ANDRÉ walks in the opposite direction of TRAVELERS. He looks weary, however he wears a crown and carries himself in a regal manner. He wears the enormous nose.]

[TRAVELERS are resting by the side of the road. They watch PRINCE ANDRÉ as he passes. They pick up on his superior attitude.]

TRAVELER #1:
(in a loud whisper to Traveler #2) Well, lookee, lookee. Big shot.

TRAVELER #2:
Thinks he’s better than the rest of us. Well, that NOSE is certainly bigger than the rest of us!  

[TRAVELERS laugh.]

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
(spins around)  I heard that!  Surely you must know I am royalty!   

TRAVELER #3:
Look, we can see you’re the Prince and all that.  But you’re not in the castle right now, you’re in our neck of the woods and…  I mean, how can we put this?… (points to the PRINCE’s nose) What a schnozz!

[Again, TRAVELERS laugh.]

TRAVELER #2:
Looks like a pickle coming off his face!

TRAVELER #1:
(to the other two) When he stops to smell a flower, does the whole field end up in his nostril?

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
You peasants WISH you had a regal nose like mine!

TRAVELER #1:
What kingdom do YOU live in? (laughs)

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
MINE, and YOURS, too!  If you had two licks of sense in your head, you’d know that!

TRAVELER #2:
Excuuuse me!  (to his fellow Travelers) You know?  I’m getting the feeling he doesn’t even get what a super-schnozz he has!

TRAVELER #3:
Like he’s never seen his own reflection in a well?

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
(insisting) A large nose proves superior power, strength and ruling spirit!  Everyone knows that!  My nose is the greatest in the land!

[TRAVELERS look at PRINCE ANDRÉ.]

TRAVELER #1:
You might say that!

[TRAVELERS all laugh.]

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
(trembles with anger) Enough! That’s ENOUGH!

[PRINCE ANDRÉ (gently!) pushes TRAVELERS out of the way and hurries offstage.]

[NARRATOR enters.]

NARRATOR:
Our poor Prince André passed many months this way. Wandering from town to town in search of Princess Rosebud, confused by the taunts that always seemed to follow him. And no Princess Rosebud. Then one day…

[Again, PRINCE ANDRÉ walks alone along the road. To one end of the stage is a transparent prison. (See Performance Notes on how to simulate a transparent prison.) PRINCESS ROSEBUD can be seen from inside it.]

PRINCE ANDRE:
(talking to himself) Peasants! What do they know of royalty?  Or noses?  They haven’t the slightest!– (stops when he sees Princess Rosebud inside the building, rushes toward her) Princess Rosebud! I’ve been searching for you so long! Oh, my darling!

PRINCESS ROSEBUD:
(from behind the wall) Prince André! Is it you?

PRINCE ANDRE:
It is. I’ve come for you!

PRINCESS ROSEBUD:
Thank goodness! I’ve been trapped here for such a long time!

[PRINCESS ROSEBUD extends her arm through a “crack” in the wall. (See Performance Notes on how to present a “crack.”) Prince André grasps at her hand and tries to kiss it, but his nose gets in the way, as it had before. Comically, he tries again and again.]

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
(dumbfounded) Well, now.  Either there’s a serious downside to having a nose like mine, or maybe, (to audience) just maybe, (back to Princess Rosebud) all those peasants were actually telling the truth.

PRINCESS ROSEBUD:
(from behind the wall) What’s that, my love? Are the peasants yelling for juice?

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
No. I mean, it must be admitted that my nose really is quite big!

PRINCESS ROSEBUD:
(from behind the wall, confused) You’ve got a hose and a pig? Darling, really, I don’t think this is a time for riddles. Just get me out of here!

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
(exasperated) No, my nose. MY. NOSE. IS. TOO. BIG!

PRINCESS ROSEBUD:
(from behind the wall, matter-of-factly) Well, of course your nose is big. 

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
Everyone at the palace told me a big nose proved superior strength, power, and ruling spirit.  But everyone else keeps laughing at it.  They think my big nose is just plain silly.  And you know what?  I’m starting to think – they’re right!

PRINCESS ROSEBUD:
(from behind the wall) So your nose is big-ish.  What of it?

PRINCE ANDRE:
All my life I’ve been walking around with a ridiculous nose, and didn’t even know it!

PRINCESS ROSEBUD:
What of it? You found me and no one else did, right?  The day we met, you made me feel better about my own nose.  That showed plenty of strength and ruling spirit, if you ask me.

PRINCE ANDRE:
But all my life… My head is spinning…

PRINCESS ROSEBUD:
(begins in a calm manner but starts to lose control) Now, honestly, darling, I’d love to talk more about your misguided views on the world and how they make your head spin, but (screams) I’VE BEEN STUCK IN A MAGIC CUBE FOR MONTHS AND WANT TO GET OUT. (composes herself) Besides, I really need to use the little princess’s room, if you know what I mean.

[Suddenly, a loud bang. Stagehands swirl around ENCHANTRESS again with the fabric. ENCHANTRESS steps out from behind the fabric.]

ENCHANTRESS:
Foolish prince! ‘Twas the arrogance of your father that cursed you with this enormous nose. And ‘twas your own ignorance of how things really were that kept your princess in prison all these months. You kept believing that nonsense they told you. What a fool you’ve been!

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
(still stunned)  It’s true! My nose is just plain ridiculous, and that’s all there is to it.  

ENCHANTRESS:
(screams) NOOOOOOOOOO! My spell is broken!

[PRINCESS ROSEBUD bursts from behind the “walls” and is free. PRINCE ANDRÉ and PRINCESS ROSEBUD rush toward each other. PRINCE ANDRÉ’s back is now to the audience.  He takes off the nose while he is turned around.]

[There is another loud bang. Stagehands swirl around ENCHANTRESS once more with the fabric. ENCHANTRESS disappears offstage, still yelling. PRINCESS ROSEBUD now lifts her hands to ANDRÉ’s face. She hugs him. He turns, and the audience can see his nose has returned to normal.]

PRINCESS ROSEBUD:
Well, I take back what I said. Your nose is perfectly normal.

PRINCE ANDRE:
It is? (hand to face) It IS!

PRINCESS ROSEBUD:
Not that it really matters. Only I must say, it will be easier to kiss you now. (gives Prince André a peck on the cheek)

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
(to audience) Gotta love THAT.

[The couple hold hands and walk a couple of steps.]

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
Oh, I am a lucky guy. I cannot wait till you become my bride!

PRINCESS ROSEBUD:
You’re asking me to be your bride? (Prince André nods) Very well, then! But I really must ask you one important thing.

PRINCE ANDRÉ:
What is it, my dear?

PRINCESS ROSEBUD:
Do you know where the nearest bathroom is? I still really have to go!

[PRINCE ANDRÉ points offstage.]

PRINCESS ROSEBUD:
Thanks, love!

[PRINCESS ROSEBUD runs offstage, in the direction where PRINCE ANDRÉ had pointed.]

NARRATOR:
As you can see, as soon as Prince André realized the truth about the nose on his face, the spell was broken.

ENCHANTRESS:
(calls from offstage) And it took him exactly HOW LONG to figure it out?

NARRATOR:
(to Enchantress, who is still offstage) Okay, okay, so it took awhile.  (to audience) Better late than never, that’s what I say.  Where was I?  Ah, yes.  So Prince André and Princess Rosebud were married.  Everyone took off those nose masks.

[LADIES-IN-WAITING, SERVANTS, GUARDS, KING HUBERT, QUEEN ORLENA, and anyone else who had appeared with an extra-big nose earlier in the play comes out on stage and takes off their noses.]

NARRATOR:
And it was fine.  

QUEEN ORLENA:
Those noses were so yesterday.  One must keep up with the times, mustn’t one?

[All exit.]

NARRATOR:
When Prince Andre became King, he listened to his advisers but knew they might be flattering him, so he kept his mind open to hear the truths others might know.  As a result, he and his queen were known far and wide for their strength, power, and ruling spirit.  And they all lived happily ever after.  The End.

[If you have a curtain, close it now. If you do not, fade the light. If you have no stage lights, all actors come onstage and bow to the audience.]

 

end

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REVIEWS

5/5

k

USA


Very fun. Well crafted script.

 


SOURCE


The play script, "The Enormous Nose," was adapted by Dan from a story of the same name found at https://www.storiestogrowby.org/story/enormous-nose/ and further described at the end of the story. ©2000 Elaine L. Lindy. All rights reserved.

 


FOOTNOTE